Cheap Day Return

On Preston Platform

Do your soft shoe shuffle dance

Brush away the cigarette ash

That's falling down your pants

And then you sadly wonder

Does the nurse treat your old man

The way she should

She made you tea

Asked for your autograph

What a laugh

Mother Goose

As I did walk by Hampstead Fair

I came upon Mother Goose

So I turned her loose

She was screaming

And a foreign student said to me

Was it really true

There are elephants lions too

Piccadilly Circus

Walked down by the bathing pond

To try and catch some sun

Saw at least a hundred school girls

Sobbing into handkerchiefs as one

I don't believe they knew

I was a schoolboy

And a bearded lady said to me

If you start your raving

And your misbehaving

You'll be sorry

And the chicken fancier came to play

With his long red beard

And his sister's weird

She drives a lorry

Laughed down by the putting green

I popped 'em in their holes

Four and twenty labourers were labouring

And digging up their gold

I don't believe they knew

That I was Long John Silver

Saw Johnny Scarecrow make his rounds

In his jet black mac

Which he won't give back

Stole it from a snowman

As I did walk by Hampstead Fair

I came upon Mother Goose

So I turned her loose

She was screaming

Walked down by the bathing pond

To try and catch some sun

Must have been least a hundred school girls

Sobbing into handkerchiefs as one

I don't believe they knew

I was a schoolboy