I've got a confession to make

For a man of my age

Now young lads play

With it all the time

They think it's all the rage

They do it in their bedrooms

When their mum and dads in bed

Grown men like me shouldn't do it

'Coz we've got wives instead

I've tried talking to the wife

But she doesn't understand

The pleasure that it gives me

When I hold it in me hand

The longer you play wi' it

The more it gets hard

Especially when you've got

No memory on yer memory card

Talkin' my playstation PSP of course

Dirty inquisitive minds

Oh it started one day

I got a bonus from work

Two hundred pounds

Oh the wife she went bezerk

'Coz she sent me darn to B and Q

To go and buy some shelves

But I spent the cash in Gamestation

And she played merry hell

You see I bought meself a PSP

Wi' a couple of great games

And ever since I bought it

Life hasn't been the same

And the wife want me

Do the gutters

It'd only take a day

But instead I'm wasting all me time

Playing GTA

Oh me PSP

Me PSP

It really is fantastic

It is the one for me

I'm glad I saw it in the shop

Just sitting on the shelf

'Coz now I got so much pleasure

Playing with myself I've tried

Talking to the wife

But she doesn't understand

The pleasure it gives me

When I hold in me hand

The longer I play wi' it

The more it gets hard

Especially when you've got no memory

On your memory card

Well the wife is getting fed up now

I never come to bed

I just sit on the sofa

And play FIFA instead

She puts on sexy underwear

Gives me come to bed eyes

But the kid down't road

I've got to beat him

He's onto level five

Oh me PSP

Me PSP

It really is fantastic

It is the one for me

I'm glad I saw it in the shop

Just sitting on the shelf

'Coz now I get so much pleasure

Playing with myself I've tried

Talking to the wife

But she doesn't understand

The pleasure it gives me

When I hold in me hand

The longer I play wi' it

The more it gets hard

Especially when you've got no memory

On your memory card

Left left left

Why won't it go left Gene

I'm pressing it

It's not going left here Gene

And so one night when me and wife

Were cozy lay in bed

She whispered softly in my ear

And this is what she said

Darling I've been thinking

About our bedroom fun

And the pleasure that you get

By moving just your thumb

So I've bought myself a present

To keep me entertained

I'll confess that it takes batteries

And I'm sure you won't complain

I couldn't think of what she'd bought

But I didn't have to guess

'Coz right then she pulled it out

A nintendo DS

I've tried talking to the wife

And now she understands

The pleasure it gives her

When she holds it in her hand

The longer she plays wi' it

The more it gets hard

Especially when she's got no memory

On the memory card

Right if I hit square circle triangle

Down up down up

That's got him that's got him Gene

Me PSP - The Lancashire Hotpots