It Makes a Fellow Proud to be a Soldier - Tom Lehrer

I have only comparatively recently emerged from the

United States Army

So that I am now of course in the radioactive reserve

And the usual jokes about the Army aside

One of the many fine things one

Has to admit is the way that the Army has carried the

American democratic ideal to its logical conclusion

In the sense that not only do they prohibit discrimination

On the grounds of race creed

And color but also on

The grounds of ability

Be that as it may

Some of you may recall the publicity

A few years ago

Attendant upon the Army's search for

An official Army song to be the counterpart of the Navy's

Anchors Aweigh and the Air Force's

Up In The Air Junior Birdman and so on

I was I was in basic training at

The time and I recall our platoon sergeant

Who was an unfrocked Marine

Actually Actually the change of service

Had come as quite a blow to him because it meant that

He had to memorize a new serial number which took up

Most of his time

At any rate

I recall this sergeant's informing me and

My roommates of this rather deplorable fact

That the Army didn't have any official

Excuse me didn't have

No official song and suggested that

Suggested that we work on this in

Our copious free time

Well I submitted the following song

Which is called

It Makes A Fellow Proud To Be A Soldier

Which I think demonstrates the proper spirit

You'll agree However the fact that it did not win the

Contest I can ascribe only to blatant favoritism on part

Of the judges

The heart of every man in our platoon must swell with pride

For the nation's youth

The cream of which is marching at his side

For the fascinating rules and regulations that we share

And the quaint and curious costumes

That we're called upon to wear

Now Al joined up to do his part defending you and me

He wants to fight and bleed and kill and die for liberty

With the hell of war he's come to grips

Policing up the filter tips

It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier

When Pete was only in the seventh grade

He stabbed a cop

He's real R A material and he was glad to swap

His switchblade and his old zip gun

For a bayonet and a new M-1

It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier

After Johnny got through basic training he

Was a soldier through and through when he was done

Its effects were so well rooted

That the next day he saluted

A Good Humor man an usher and a nun

Now Fred's an intellectual

Brings a book to every meal

He likes the deep philosophers

Like Norman Vincent Peale

He thinks the army's just the thing

Because he finds it broadening

It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier

Now Ed flunked out of second grade

And never finished school

He doesn't know a shelter half from an entrenching tool

But he's going to be a big success

He heads his class at OCS

It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier

Our old mess sergeant's taste buds

Had been shot off in the war

But his savory collations add to our esprit de corps

To think of all the marvelous ways

They're using plastics nowadays

It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier

Our lieutenant is the up and coming type

Played with soldiers as a boy you just can bet

It is written in the stars

He will get his captain's bars

But he hasn't got enough box tops yet

Our captain has a handicap to cope with sad to tell

He's from Georgia

And he doesn't speak the language very well

He used to be so rumor has

The Dean of Men at Alcatraz

It makes a fellow proud to be

What as a kid I vowed to be

What luck to be allowed to be a soldier

At ease