Nina - Noel Coward and Orchestra

Señorita Nina, from Argentina,

Knew all the answers

Although her relatives

And friends were perfect dancers

She swore she'd never dance a step until she died

She said, "I've seen too many movies,

And all they prove is too idiotic.

They all insist that South America's exotic

Whereas it couldn't be more boring if it tried."

She added firmly that she hated

The sound of soft guitars beside a still lagoon

She also positively stated

That she could not abide a Southern moon

She said "I hate to be pedantic

But I'm driven nearly frantic

When I see that unromantic,

Sycophantic lot of sluts

Forever wriggling their guts.

It drives me absolutely nuts."

She refused to Begin The Beguine

When they requested it

And she made an embarrassing scene

If anyone suggested it

For she detested it.

Though no one ever

Could be keener than little Nina

On quite a number of very eligible

Men who did the rhumba

When they proposed to her

She simply left them flat.

She said that love should be impulsive,

But not convulsive

And syncopation

Had a discouraging effect on procreation

And that she'd rather read a book

And that was that.

She declined to Begin The Beguine

When they besought her to

And with language profane and obscene

She cursed the man who taught her to

She cursed Cole Porter too.

From this its fairly clear that Nina,

In her demeanour

Was so offensive that when

The hatred of her friends grew too intensive

She thought she'd better beat it while

She had the chance

After some trial and tribulation,

She reached the station

And met a sailor,

Who had acquired a wooden leg in Venezuela

And so she married him,

Because he couldn't dance.

There surely never could've been a

More irritating girl than Nina

They never speak in Argentina

Of this degenerate bambina

Who had the luck to find romance

But resolutely wouldn't dance.

She wouldn't dance