Old Sam's Christmas Pudding - Stanley Holloway

It was Christmas Day in the trenches

In Spain in Penninsular War

And Sam Small were cleaning his musket

A thing as he'd nere done before

They'd had'em inspected that morning

And Sam had got into disgrace

For when sergeant had looked down the barrel

A sparrow flew out in his face

The sergeant reported the matter

To Lieutenant Bird then and there

Said Lieutenant How very disgusting

The Duke must be told of this ere

The Duke were upset when he heard

He said I'm astonished I am

I must make a most drastic example

There'll be no Christmas pudding for Sam

When Sam were informed of his sentence

Surprise rooted him to the spot

Twas much worse than he had expected

He thought as he'd only be shot

And so he sat cleaning his musket

And polishing barrel and butt

While the pudding his mother had sent him

Lay there in the mud at his foot

Now the centre that Sam's lot were holding

Ran around a place called Badajoz

Where the Spaniards had put up a bastion

And ooh what a bastion it was

They pounded away all the morning

With canister grape shot and ball

But the face of the bastion defied them

They made no impression at all

They started again after dinner

Bombarding as hard as they could

And the Duke brought his own private cannon

But that weren't a ha'pence o good

The Duke said Sam put down thy musket

And help me lay this gun true

Sam answered You'd best ask your favours

From them as you give pudding to

The Duke looked at Sam so reproachful

And don't take it that way said he

Us Generals have got to be ruthless

It hurts me more than it did thee

Sam sniffed at these words kind of sceptic

Then looked down the Duke's private gun

And said We'd best put in two charges

We'll never bust bastion with one

He tipped cannon ball out of muzzle

He took out the wadding and all

He filled barrel chock full of powder

Then picked up and replaced the ball

He took a good aim at the bastion

Then said Right o Duke let her fly

The cannon nigh jumped off her trunnions

And up went the bastion sky high

The Duke he weren't alf elated

He danced around trench full of glee

And said Sam for this gallant action

You can hot up your pudding for tea

Sam looked round to pick up his pudding

But it wasn't there nowhere about

In the place where he thought he had left it

Lay the cannon ball he'd just tipped out

Sam saw in a flash what ad happened

By an unprecedented mishap

The pudding his mother had sent him

Had blown Badajoz off map

That's why fuisilliers wear to this moment

A badge which they think's a grenade

But they're wrong it's a brass reproduction

Of the pudding Sam's mother once made