Well it took me a woman late last night

I's three-fourths drunk she looked all right

'Til she started peelin' off her onion gook

She took off her wig said how do I look

I's high flyin' bare naked out the window

Well sometimes I might get drunk

Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk

Don't hurt me none don't hurt my pride

'Cause I got my little lady right by my side

She's a tryin' a hide pretendin' she don't know me

I's out there paintin' on the old wood shed

When a can a black paint it fell on my head

I went down to scrub and rub

But I had to sit in back off the tub

Cost a quarter half price

Well my telephone rang it would not stop

It's President Kennedy callin' me up

He said "My friend Bob what do we need

To make the country grow "

I said "My friend John Brigitte Bardot

Anita Ekberg

Sophia Loren country will grow"

Well I got a woman five feet short

She yells and hollers an' squeals an' snorts

She tickles my nose pats me on my head

Blows me over and kicks me out of bed

She's a man eater meat grinder bad looser

Oh there ain't no use in me workin' all the time

I got a woman who works herself blind

Works up to her britches up to her neck

Writes me letters and sends me checks

She's a humdinger folk singer

Late one day in the middle of the week

Eyes were closed I was half asleep

I chased me a woman up the hill

Right in the middle of an air drill

I jumped a fallout shelter

I jumped the string bean

I jumped the TV dinner I jumped the shot gun

Now the man on the stand he wants my vote

He's a runnin' for office on the ballot note

He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple

Tellin' me he loves all kinds a people

He's eatin' bagels he's eatin' pizza

He's eatin' chitins

Oh set me down on a television floor

I'll flip the channel to number four

Out of the shower comes a football man

With a bottle of oil in his hand greasy kid stuff

What I wanna know Mr Football Man is

What do you do about Willy Mays

Martin Luther King Olatunji oh

Well the funniest woman I ever seen

Was the great granddaughter of Mr Clean

She takes about fifteen baths a day

Wants me to grow a mustache on my face she's insane

Well ask me why I'm drunk all the time

It levels my head and eases my mind

I just walk along and stroll and sing

I see better days and I do better things

I catch dinosaurs make love to Elizabeth Taylor

Catch hell from Richard Burton