What in all of heaven could've promted her to go

After such a triumph as the ball

What could've depressed her

What could've possessed her

I cannot understand the wretch at all

Women are that's irrational all there is to that

There heads are full of cotton hay and rags

They're nothing but exasperating irritating

Vacillating calculating agitating

Maddening and infuriating hags

Pickering why can't a woman be more like a man

Hmm

Yes

Why can't a woman be more like a man

Men are so honest so thoroughly square

Eternally noble historic'ly fair

Who when you win will always give your back a pat

Well why can't a woman be like that

Why does ev'ryone do what the others do

Can't a woman learn to use her head

Why do they do ev'rything their mothers do

Why don't they grow up well like their father instead

Why can't a woman take after a man

Men are so pleasant so easy to please

Whenever you are with them you're always at ease

Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours

Of course not

Would you be livid if I had a drink or two

Nonsense

Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers

Never

Well why can't a woman be like you

One man in a million may shout a bit

Now and then there's one with slight defects

One perhaps whose truthfulness you doubt a bit

But by and large we are a marvelous s*x

Why can't a woman take after like a man

Cause men are so friendly good natured and kind

A better companion you never will find

If I were hours late for dinner would you bellow

Of course not

If I forgot your silly birthday would you fuss

Nonsense

Would you complain if I took out another fellow

Never

Well why can't a woman be like us

Mrs Pearce you're a woman

Why can't a woman be more like a man

Men are so decent such regular chaps

Ready to help you through any mishaps

Ready to buck you up whenever you are glum

Why can't a woman be a chum

Why is thinking something women never do

Why is logic never even tried

Straight'ning up their hair is all they ever do

Why don't they straighten up the mess that's inside

Why can't a woman behave like a man

If I was a woman who'd been to a ball

Been hailed as a princess by one and by all

Would I start weeping like a bathtub overflowing

And carry on as if in my a home were tree

Would I run off and never tell me where I'm going

Why can't a woman be like me