When You Are Old And Grey - Tom Lehrer

The most popular type of

Popular song is of course the love song

And I'd like to

Illustrate several subspecies of this form during

The evening

First of all

The type of love song where the fellow tells the girl

That although the years

Ahead will almost certainly destroy every

Vestige of her already dubious charms

That nonetheless his love

For her will shine on forever through the years

You know

Another example of stark realism in the popular song

This particular example is called

When You Are Old And Grey

And I'd like to dedicate

It to anyone in the audience who is still

In love with each other

Since I still appreciate you

Let's find love while we may

Because I know I'll hate you

When you are old and grey

So say you love me here and now

I'll make the most of that

Say you love and trust me

For I know you'll disgust me

When you're old and getting fat

An awful debility

A lessened utility

A loss of mobility

Is a strong possibility

In all probability

I'll lose my virility

And you your fertility

And desirability

And this liability

Of total sterility

Will leed to hostility

And a sense of futility

So let's act with agility

While we still have facility

For we'll soon reach senility

And lose the ability

Your teeth will start to go dear

Your waist will start to spread

In twenty years or so dear

I'll wish that you were dead

I'll never love you then at all

The way I do today

So please remember

When I leave in December

I told you so in May