Whoever Said Gambling's For Suckers - Cameron Avery

Written by：Cameron Avery

It was a Sunday a normal day at the track

I'd hedged my bets and cashed my checks for the week

I mean the track was wet so the dogs were running slow

Plus the cold air made the starting gates jam

But I did alright

Other than that a normal day at the track

Everyone had left except for one of the trainers

Who'd lost nearly everything on his last dog

So he was drinking like a priest at the rapture

Stacy was working

She had just broken up with her boyfriend

Who'd skipped town with her car and her life's savings that morning

So she was on edge

It took nothing more than for me to ask her how she was doing

And she flipped

That was it

She reached under the bar back and pulled out a big shiny 44

And pointed it straight at my head

The startled and broken dog trainer to my left

Welled up and then threw up all over my shoes

And I just got those cleaned as well

Stacy told me to give her my car my day's take

Or she'd spray the back wall with my cerebellum

At first I was rocked shocked and taken back

By her half-cocked locked and stocked 44

But then the strangest thing happened

That look in her eye no fear no compromise

Sent me on a spin I could've taken her right there and then

She had me sweating that was for sure

But not from fear from lust

I trusted her volition was in no condition to drive

So I said

Hold me hostage put the gun against my head

Hold me hostage honey you heard what I said

At this point Dale the dog trainer had passed out

From either too much sorrow-drowning and whiskey-pounding

Or just fainted out of fear which I didn't understand

The man had nothing left

A perfect night to feel the hand of death

And what a way to go all it would've taken was some barroom heroics

And Stacy would've wasted him

So now it was me and her and I couldn't break her gaze

Me and her dreaming of all the ways we could spend our days

Still confusion stood heavy on her complexion

So I said again

Hold me hostage put the gun against my head

Hold me hostage honey you heard what I said

Still looking impatient and confused

I decided I would explain my arousal

And state my proposal

That she and I with love in eyes and trust

Be thrust into blood-lust together

Forever and ever until vengeance do we part

And I said again

Hold me hostage put the gun against my head

Hold me hostage honey you heard what I said

Then I said

Take me with you take me whilst you can

Take me with you honey I'll hunt down your man

After still questioning the persistence in my assistance

I lied and said that as a bookie I was used to this bounty-hunting kind of thing

And that we could find him kill him

Retrieve her life's savings and the beat-up old Pontiac

And be back before the track open again on Wednesday

I said as payment for my act of chivalry hired mercenary

Would be that she fed me bathed me and made love to me

With the same bold conviction as she felt for her burgeoning retribution

As I looked deeper into her eyes I thought was she really gonna take me

To have and to hold hostage

In sickness and in health

And in bullet-riddled wealth

So I said

Take me with you take me whilst you can

Take me with you honey I'll hunt down your man

And then it happened

She slowly walked along the bar back

Knocking each bottle of cheap

Swill off the shelf with each swing of her hips

As she rounded the service alley

She unclasped her bra threw it on the bar

Straddled me on my stool said

You crazy fool

And kissed me

Long and slow

Gun around my neck and neckline full of sweat

She took me right there and then on the floor

Next to poor old Pale Dale

She said

I'll take you with me take you while I can

I'll take you with me honey you can be my man

So we took off drove around for a couple of weeks

Making whoopee the whole way long

Found her man empty pockets

We left him lying in a pool of his own urine

Couldn't kill him

No fun shooting a coward anyhow

So we took the Pontiac and opened a bar back in Savannah

She pours the shots and I run the slots

Been married seven years

Living off quarters and beers

She still brings the gun to bed every now and then

Gets her kissin' through my submission

So there it is

The last and best bet I ever made

Whoever said gambling's for suckers