A Bush Christening - Barry Ryan

On the outer Barcoo where the churches are few

And men of religion are scanty

On a road never cross'd 'cept by folk that are lost

One Michael Magee had a shanty

Now this Mike was the dad of a ten-year-old lad

Plump healthy and stoutly conditioned;

He was strong as the best but poor Mike had no rest

For the youngster had never been christened

And his wife used to cry

If the darlin' should die

Saint Peter would not recognise him

But by luck he survived till a preacher arrived

Who agreed straightaway to baptise him

Now the artful young rogue while they held their collogue

With his ear to the keyhole was listenin'

And he muttered in fright while his features turned white

What the divil and all is this christenin'

He was none of your dolts he had seen them brand colts

And it seemed to his small understanding

If the man in the frock made him one of the flock

It must mean something very like branding

So away with a rush he set off for the bush

While the tears in his eyelids they glistened

'Tis outrageous says he to brand youngsters like me

I'll be dashed if I'll stop to be christened

Like a young native dog he ran into a log

And his father with language uncivil

Never heeding the praste cried aloud in his haste

Come out and be christened you divil

But he lay there as snug as a bug in a rug

And his parents in vain might reprove him

Till his reverence spoke he was fond of a joke

I've a notion he says that'll move him

Poke a stick up the log give the spalpeen a prog

Poke him aisy-don't hurt him or maim him

'Tis not long that he'll stand I've the water at hand

As he rushes out this end I'll name him

Here he comes and for shame you've forgotten the name

Is it Patsy or Michael or Dinnis

Here the youngster ran out and the priest gave a shout

Take your chance anyhow wid

Maginnis

As the howling young cub ran away to the scrub

Where he knew that pursuit would be risky

The priest as he fled flung a flask at his head

That was labelled

Maginnis's Whisky

And Maginnis Magee has been made a J P

And the one thing he hates more than sin is

To be asked by the folk who have heard of the joke

How he came to be christened

Maginnis